Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
