I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
