they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
