you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
