I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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