actually, I'm a sock model
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
