The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
