Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
