You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize