Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
