I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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