Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Randomize
