Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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