I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
