meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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