She is in my trunk
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
