okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
