guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
