Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
