We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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