his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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