so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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