your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
