By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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