found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
