this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
