I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just found puke in my bra..
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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