Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
