this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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