Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
