I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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