Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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