And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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