I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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