Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
