Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Rumble strips road head = magical
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize