He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
