He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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