It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
