At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
