you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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