I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
