but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
