Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
