If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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