Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
