So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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