Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
