today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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