great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
