At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
