For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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