Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
