I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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