i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
