You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
