tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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