Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I donβt know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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