Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
