I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
