what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
