he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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