You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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