Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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