Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
