either way he was missing a nipple.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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