dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
