Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
