So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
