this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
