So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
this just has baby written all over it
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
