I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
