What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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