He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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