Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize