I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
40s are totally the cure
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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