By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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