the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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