He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
