she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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