literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
